i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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