I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
