you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
