Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
