I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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