You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
