I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
