Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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