I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Sober January is a disaster.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
