He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
