CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
