i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
