So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Hippo gnu deer
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize