Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
