Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
