Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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