Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
