can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
