the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
