I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
