Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
