And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
