to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
