Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize