i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
