Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
