dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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