he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dicks are not precious.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
