i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
