she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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