you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
