i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
