Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
