just tell him i said nine months
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
