we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
