hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize