Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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