shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
even my farts smell like vagina
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
