remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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