idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
