Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize