He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
