Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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