I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
