I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
