I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
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