I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
