i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
