Can i not drive my cunt home
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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