I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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