talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
