Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
