you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
high people should be assigned attendants
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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