i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
