I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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