I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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