I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize