No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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