I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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