yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
What a dumb baby whore.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
