Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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