the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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