hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize