Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
this just has baby written all over it
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
