do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
