What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
