One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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