I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
