Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
