Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
