Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
