hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
