You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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