I am in a vortex of obligation.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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