Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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