K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize