My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
