Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
